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Dating Definitions

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT….. what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet. DATING….. the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. BIRTH […]

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Never Read Disclaimers

Disclaimers seem to be everywhere, but how many do you take seriously? Pick your favorites among the 82 on the list below. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. […]

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Funny Kitchen List

A humorous kitchen list written to discourage any attempt to do kitchen duty. Kitchen closed for today. Reservations only I’m waiting for a: Food Network inspiration I’m creative. You can’t expect me to be neat too. This isn’t Home Sweet Home. Live with it Ring Bell for Maid Service. If no answer, do it yourself. […]

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Lessons From Mama

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!” My mother taught me RELIGION: “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to […]

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Random Thoughts

Never raise your hands to your kids: it leaves your groin unprotected. I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. I am in shape. Round’s a shape… I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would […]

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Shopping By Man Versus Woman

If you think a woman and a man shop the same, think again. Here’s what each gender does while visiting a grocery store. Woman Park the car. Get a cart. Take grocery list and coupons out of purse. Fill the cart with items from list in record time, being careful to check prices. Place the […]