150 Shuffled Thoughts

Something to think about while social distancing.

A list long enough to share with your friends.

1. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours.
2. Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
3. It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one’s doubts.
4. I wish I were telepathic. Not just to read people’s minds, which would be cool, but to cut down on my cellular phone bill.
5. The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
6. When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, humanity is doomed.
7. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
8. My ignorance is encyclopedic
9. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
10. The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
11. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
12. No, my powers can only be used for good.
13. How about never? Is never good for you?
14. I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
15. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
16. So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute!
17. Trying to attain vast power and world domination again?! Bad dog! Bad dog!
18. I must be a proctologist because I work with assholes!
19. I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
20. There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
21. Secret of a long and happy life : Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches.
22. We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
23. Sometimes when I’m home alone, thinking of that special person who is sitting at home at the same time, just waiting to meet me, I think to myself, “What a loser this chick must be to sit at home by herself and think of some guy she’s never met”.
24. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
25. The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
26. When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
27. Egoist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
28. They say it’s never too late to learn to play the piano, but at 2 am, I really wish my roommate would quit and go to bed.
29. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
30. The mistakes are all waiting to be made.

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