Tag: money

  • Cheap Manhattan Parking

    A blonde walks into a Manhattan bank and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to her new Rolls…

  • Investment Terms

    EBITDA: earnings before I tricked damn auditor. EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering. CEO: chief embezzlement officer. CFO: corporate fraud officer. NAV: normal Andersen valuation. FRS: fantasy reporting standards. P/E: parole entitlement. EPS: eventual prison sentence. BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET: A…

  • Beware Of IRS Genie

    A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He’s crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out…

  • Florida Lottery Winner

    I won the Florida lottery! I’m now a multi-millionaire! Can you believe it? I’m bouncing off the walls here! You see, although my ticket doesn’t have the exact winning numbers on it, I meant to pick those numbers. The ticket was very confusing when I was filling it out and so I ended up with the…

  • Poker Game

    Charlie, Marvin and Lou, retired friends,would get together every night, rain or shine, to play some poker. It was a nice way to pass the time and the men thoroughly enjoyed it. Charlie’s wife, though, wasn’t happy about her husband’s poker games. She thought it was a dirty and low way to fill his time,…