Classic one-line Jewish jokes

oy vey

5759 Year according to Jewish calendar
4696 Year according to Chinese calendar
1063 Total number of years that Jews went without Chinese food.

Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Q – What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?
A – “Is ANYTHING all right?”

Q – Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A – Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take the change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) Don’t bother, I’ll sit in the dark, I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.

Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:
They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”
“Force yourself,” she replied.

Jewish telegram:
“Begin worrying. Details to follow.”

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