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Ultimate WASP Joke Collection

WASP is short for the White Anglo-Saxon Protestants. They fancy themselves as setting the standards of American values as we practice them today.

They are generally seen as a tightly-knit group who see outsiders as a threat to their power base and having a limited tolerance for them.

Enjoy the following collection of one-line jokes about the WASP culture. If you have any more insights about WASPs, post them in the comment section.

typical white anglo-saxon protestant couple

Ultimate WASP Joke Collection

Q: Why did God create WASPs?
A: Someone has to buy retail!

Q: Why do WASPs play golf?
A: So they can dress like pimps.

Q: How can you tell the only WASP in the shower?
A: He’s the one with The Wall Street Journal on his lap.

Q: What do call a WASP who doesn’t work for his father, isn’t a lawyer and believes in social causes?
A: A failure.

Q: How do WASPs wean their young?
A: By firing their maid.

Q: What’s a WASPs idea of foreplay?
A: Drying the dishes.

Q: How can you tell tell who the WASPs are in a Chinese restaurant?
A: They’re the ones not sharing their food.

Q: How can you tell if a WASP is sexually excited?
A: The stiff upper lip.

Q: What does a WASP woman want out of a marriage?
A: Alimony.

Q: What do get when you cross a WASP with a Jew?
A: A pushy Pilgrim.

Q: What do get when you cross a WASP and an orangutan?
A: I don’t know, but it won’t let you into it’s cage.

Q: What’s an American WASP’s idea of open-mindedness?
A: Dating a Canadian.

Q: What does a little WASP girl want to be when she grows up?
A: “The very best person I possibly can.”

Q: What’s a WASP’s idea of social security?
A: An ancestor on the Mayflower.

Q: Why do WASPs get jobs?
A: They’re too chicken to steal.

Q: Why did the WASP cross the street?
A: To get to the middle of the road.

Q: What happens when four WASPs find themselves in the same room?
A: A dinner party.

Q: What do WASPs think of the Mideast situation?
A: Well, Newport is all right, but EVERYBODY goes to the Cape.

Q: How does a WASP propose marriage?
A: “How would you like to be buried with my people?”

Q: What’s a WASP’s idea of affirmative action?
A: Hiring South American jockeys.

Q: What do WASPs say after sex?
A: “Thank you very much. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.

Q: Why don’t WASPs join nudist colonies?
A: They don’t have the balls for it.

Q: Why do WASP women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don’t have balls to scratch.

Q: What’s a WASP’s definition of conspicuous consumption?
A: A Sunfish with a spinnaker.

Q. Why don’t WASPs have orgies?
A. They’d have too many thank-you notes to write.

Q. How can you tell when a WASP is dead?
A. He lets go of his wallet.

Q. What do you call a WASP virgin?
A. You can’t. Her number’s unlisted.

Q. What’s a WASP’s favorite song?
A. “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas.”

Q. What does a professional WASP call his boss?
A. Dad.

Q: How many WASPS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. Two to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

Q: What is a WASP menage-a-trois?
A: Two headaches and one hard-on.

Q. What is the definition of a WASP?
A. Someone who gets out of the shower to take a leak.

Q: What do WASPs think Zimbabwe Rhodesia is?
A: A wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys.

Q: How do warm up a WASP?
A: Cremation.

Q: What’s a WASP seven-course meal?
A: Six martinis and a cracker.

Q: How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two – one to make the martinis, and one to call the electrician.

Q: How do you spot a WASP at an orgy?
A: He’s the one washing the grapesartinis, and one to call the electrician.