Tag: women
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Parrot And Ugly Lady
A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, “Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” The lady was furious and continued on her way. On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said, “Hey lady! You’re really ugly!” She was incredibly ticked now, so she went…
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Life As A Female Bear
If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your…
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Simple Woman’s Prayer
Now I lay me Down to sleep. I pray the Lord My shape to keep.Please no wrinkles Please no bags And please lift my butt Before it sags. Please no age spots Please no gray And as for my belly, Please take it away. Please keep me healthy Please keep me young, And thank you…
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Clueless Woman Driver
My rant on a clueless woman driver: Driving to the office this morning on the highway, I looked over to my left and there was this idiotic woman in a brand new Mercedes speeding at 65 miles per hour with her face up next to the rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked…
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What Is Price Of A Brain?
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I have some terrible, terrible news,” he said as he looked over the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is…
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Type of Girlfriends
Girlfriends By The Numbers Which type of girlfriend do you have? Ms. Nice Guy “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have!” Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, main squeeze, doormat. Advantages:Cheerful, agreeable, kindly. Disadvantages: May wise up someday. Old Yeller “You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent…