Type of Girlfriends

type of girlfriend

Girlfriends By The Numbers

Which type of girlfriend do you have?

  1. Ms. Nice Guy
    “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have!”
    Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, main squeeze, doormat.
    Advantages:Cheerful, agreeable, kindly.
    Disadvantages: May wise up someday.
  2. Old Yeller
    “You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t you see you’re making me miserable??”
    Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell.
    Advantages: Pays attention to you.
    Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans.
  3. Sickly
    “Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite.”
    Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy.
    Advantages: Predictable.
    Disadvantages: Contagious.
  4. The Bosser
    “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.”
    Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom.
    Advantages: Often right.
    Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
  5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied
    “I just can’t decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?”
    Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c’mon Honey.
    Advantages: Easily soothed.
    Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.
  6. Wild Woman out of Control
    “I’ve got an idea. Lez get drunk an’ make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S’fun.”
    Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out.
    Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.
    Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.
  7. Huffy
    “I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at.”
    Also known as: No fun, humorless pig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly.
    Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.
    Disadvantages: You will have no friends.
  8. Woman from Mars
    “I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship.”
    Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.
    Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable.
    Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud. 
  9. Ms. Dreamgirl
    “I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now.”
    Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous.
    Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited.
    Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

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