Life As A Female Bear

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate.

You do nothing but sleep for six months.

I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid.

I could deal with that, too.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.

You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.

If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.

I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your man expects you to wake up growling.

He expects that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

I wanna be a bear.