Dating Guide

White Women

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position using your elbows.

Greek Women

First date: You get to kiss her mother and father goodnight on both cheeks while she watches.
Second date: You get to kiss her mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, uncles, aunts, and assorted first and second cousins goodnight.
Third date: You get to kiss the entire extended family goodnight and go home with a plate of freshly baked Spanakopita, a half-liter tub of tzatziki, and a tray of homemade baklava. You go home and have sex with your neighbor’s daughter.

Irish Women

First date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

Italian Women

First date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third date: You have sex. She wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

Jewish Women

First date: You get dynamite head.
Second date: You get more great head.
Third date: You tell her you’ll marry her, and never get head again.

Chinese Women

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her a more expensive dinner and again nothing happens.
Third date: You don’t even get to the third date when you realize, nothing will ever happen.

Indian Women

First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

Black Women

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner.
Second date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends an expensive dinner.
Third date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone else.

Mexican Women

First date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second date: She’s pregnant.
Third date: She moves in. A week later, her mother, her father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father’s girlfriend’s mother, her two cousins, her sister’s boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.

And the point is:

Find an Irish woman!

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