A closed mouth gathers no feet.
OLIVER’S LAW OF LOCATION
No matter where you go, there you are.
When the going gets tough – everyone leaves.
GLYME’S FORMULA FOR SUCCESS
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake it, you’ve got it made.
MASON’S FIRST LAW OF SYNERGISM
The one day you’d sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
THE SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
O’REILLY’S LAW OF THE KITCHEN
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Everybody lies; but it does not matter, because nobody listens.
Virtue is its own punishment.
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
MODERN SCIENCE LAWS
If it’s green or it wiggles – it’s biology
If it stinks, it’s chemistry
If it doesn’t work, it’s physics
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person MUST be fired.
GREEN’S LAW OF DEBATE
Anything is possible when you don’t know what you’re talking about.
STEWART’S LAW OF RETRO-ACTION
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
FIRST RULE OF HISTORY
History doesn’t repeat itself – historians merely repeat each other.