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Administratrium, The New Element

pre-computer office workers at their desks

Scientists discover the reason for bureaucratic overload

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU.

Since the new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, it has an atomic weight of 0.

However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons.

This gives it an atomic mass of 312 and these 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.

Because it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert, yet it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with.

According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused a reaction to take over four days to complete, while a normal reaction time is less than one second.

Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.

Studies have proven its atomic mass increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere.

It tends to concentrate at certain places, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities.

It is always found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate.

Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but early results are not promising to date.