101 Easy Ways To Say No

I would love to, but…

  1. I have to floss my cat
  2. I’ve dedicated my life to linguine
  3. say noI want to spend more time with my blender
  4. The President said he might drop in
  5. The man on television told me to say tuned
  6. I’ve been scheduled for a karma transplant
  7. It’s my parakeet’s bowling night
  8. It wouldn’t be fair to the other Beautiful People
  9. I’m building a pig from a kit
  10. I did my own thing and now I’ve got to undo it
  11. I’m enrolled in aerobic scream therapy
  12. There’s a disturbance in the Force
  13. I’m in training to be a household pest
  14. I’m getting my overalls overhauled
  15. My patent is pending
  16. I’m attending the opening of my garage door
  17. I’m sandblasting my oven
  18. I’m worried about my vertical hold
  19. I’m doing door-to-door collecting for static cling
  20. I have to go to the post office to see if I’m still wanted
  21. I’m teaching my ferret to yodel
  22. I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products
  23. I’m going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal
  24. I’m planning to go down town to try on gloves
  25. My crayons all melted together
  26. I’m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes
  27. I’m staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture
  28. I’m going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise
  29. I’m being deported
  30. The grunion are running
  31. I’ll be looking for a parking space
  32. My Angry Birds Fan Club meets then
  33. The monsters haven’t turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots
  34. I’m taking punk totem pole carving
  35. I have to fluff my shower cap
  36. I’m converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian
  37. I’ve come down with a really horrible case of something or other
  38. I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist
  39. My plot to take over the world is thickening
  40. I have to fulfil my potential
  41. I don’t want to leave my comfort zone
  42. It’s too close to the playoffs
  43. I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary
  44. My subconscious says no
  45. I’m giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store
  46. I left my body in my other clothes
  47. The last time I went, I never came back
  48. I’ve got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting
  49. I have to answer all of my “occupant” letters
  50. None of my socks match
  51. I have to be on the next train to Bermuda
  52. I’m having all my plants neutered
  53. People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War
  54. I changed the lock on my door and now I can’t get out
  55. I’m making a video called “The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator.”
  56. I’m attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer
  57. My yucca plant is feeling yucky
  58. I’m touring China with a wok band
  59. My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night
  60. I never go out on days that end in “Y.”
  61. My mother would never let me hear the end of it
  62. I’m running off with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism
  63. I just picked up a book called “Glue in Many Lands” and I can’t put it down
  64. I’m too old/young for that stuff
  65. I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair
  66. I have too much guilt
  67. There are important world issues that need worrying about
  68. I have to draw “Cubby” for an art scholarship
  69. I’m uncomfortable when I’m alone or with others
  70. I promised to help a friend fold road maps
  71. I feel a song coming on
  72. I’m trying to be less popular
  73. My bathroom tiles need grouting
  74. I have to bleach my hare
  75. I’m waiting to see if I’m already a winner
  76. I’m writing a love letter to Justin Bieber
  77. You know how we psychos are
  78. My favorite commercial is on TV
  79. I have to study for a blood test
  80. I’m going to be old someday
  81. I’ve been traded to Cincinnati
  82. I’m observing National Apathy Week
  83. I have to rotate my crops
  84. My uncle escaped again
  85. I’m up to my elbows in waxy build-up
  86. I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar
  87. I’m having my baby shoes bronzed
  88. I have to go to court for kitty littering
  89. I’m going to count the bristles in my toothbrush
  90. I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner
  91. Having fun gives me prickly heat
  92. I’m going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me
  93. I have to jog my memory
  94. My palm reader advised against it
  95. My Dress For Obscurity class meets then
  96. I have to stay home and see if I snore
  97. I prefer to remain an enigma
  98. I think you want the OTHER [your name]
  99. I have to sit up with a sick aunt
  100. I’m trying to cut down on whatever you want done
  101. … well, maybe

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