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You Have Two Cows – Then What?

Satire on how cultures treat cows around the world.

The two cows question

DUBAI SYSTEM
You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all the magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit and shady investors who hope to resale the nonexistent milk for a 100% profit in two years time. You bring Ryan Gosling to milk the cow first to attract attention.

QATAR SYSTEM
You have two cows. They’ve been sitting there for decades and no one realized that cows could produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing; you go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows in the shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in the first place.

SAUDI SYSTEM
Since milking the cow involves nipples the Gov’t decides to ban all cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow on one side of a curtain and a guy milking the cow on the other or to hire females and train them to milk the cows … the debate is still going on.

BAHRAIN SYSTEM
You have two cows. Some high Gov’t official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The Gov’t tells you that there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people. The people riot and scream death to the Gov’t and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11 month, decides to employ ten Bahrainis to all milk the cow at the same time and so cutting back on unemployment.

EGYPTIAN SYSTEM
You have two cows. Both are voting for el-Sisi.

AMERICAN SYSTEM
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

FRENCH SYSTEM
You have two cows. You go on strike because you wanted three cows.

RUSSIAN SYSTEM
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

BRITISH SYSTEM
You have two cows. Both are mad.

OTHER SYSTEMS
Contribute on how other systems would treat two cows.