Unwritten ways to thrive in college
Depends on how you define “thrive”
Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
Enjoy being a sophomore: it will be the best three years of your life.
Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into a lucrative “home pharmaceuticals” business.
If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
Boring lecture? Bring your headsets.
College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
“I Phelta Thi” is not a real fraternity, except at state colleges.
Remember – almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
Football games were never meant to be attended in a sober frame of mind.
Don’t think of it as sleeping with your professor – think of it as “acing biology.”
In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.
Of course, your parents may not believe this is the right way to thrive in college, because a job will not await you if you follow this guideline.
That is, even if you finish college at all like Bill Gates or Richard Branson.
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