- She is not a BABE or a CHICK
She is a BREASTED AMERICAN - She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE
She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT - She is not a BAD COOK
She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE - She is not HALF NAKED
She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED - She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY
She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED - She is not CONCEITED
She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES - She does not GAIN WEIGHT
She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER - She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER
She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE - She is not EASY
She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE - She does not TEASE or FLIRT
She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION - She is not DUMB
She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY - She is not TOO SKINNY
She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT - She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE
She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE - She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS
She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT - She has not BEEN AROUND
She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION - She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME
She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE - She does not GET YOU EXCITED
She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT - She is not KINKY
She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION - She does not have a KILLER BODY
She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE - She does not GO SHOPPING
She is MALL FLUENT - She is not an AIRHEAD
She is REALITY IMPAIRED - She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY
She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED - She does not get FAT or CHUBBY
She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY - She is not COLD or FRIGID
She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE - She is not HORNY
She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED - She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP
She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION - She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS
She is GRAVITY RESISTANT - She does not NAG YOU
She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE - She is not a SLUT
She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED - She is not LOOSE
She is MORALLY IMPAIRED - She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS
She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR - She does not have THIN LIPS
She is COLLAGEN DEPENDENT