We’ve all seen it. People change when they get behind the wheel of a car. So now, to profile your personality, here is the Special Driving Test…
1: Which part of your car wears out most often?
a: the wiper blades
b: the belts
c: the horn
2: Automatic door locks are good for…
c: messing with the heads of people trying to get in
3: I hate the rain because…
a: it lowers visibility and makes for less safe conditions
b: I answered (a) to question #1
c: I just washed my car
4: Please select the statement that best describes you.
a: I have never written in the dust on someone’s car
b: I have written “wash me” in the dust on someone’s car
c: I have drawn genitalia in the dust on someone’s car
5: The “bright” setting on your headlights is for…
a: dark, poorly lit roads
b: flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
6: I have enough power in my car stereo system to…
a: get it loud enough to drown out road noise
b: get it headbanging loud for my Metallica CD
c: cause permanent hearing loss to anyone within ten feet
7: How many times have you been pulled over for speeding in the last year?
a: zero or one, because I’m generally a safe driver
b: two or three, because I’ve had some unlucky breaks
c: before or after they took my license away?
8: What hand gesture do you use most while driving?
a: “go ahead”
b: “thank you”
9: When a bicyclist is next to you, you should…
a: be aware of them
b: speed up and get past them
c: open the door
10: Your rear view mirror is for…
a: watching for approaching cars
b: watching for approaching police cars
c: checking your hair
11: If you are driving and you begin to feel very sleepy, you should…
a: pull off to the side of the road and rest
b: stop at the next convenience mart and get a liter of coffee or Mountain Dew
c: drive faster
12: The Highway Patrol exists to…
a: ensure the safety of all motorists
b: issue as many tickets as possible
c: keep donut shops in business
13: You are supposed to signal a turn or lane change…
a: 50 feet prior
b: 25 feet prior
c: right after you do it
14: If I had a lot of money, I’d spend it on…
a: a minivan
b: a really cool sports car or 4-wheeler
15: The best thing about a chauffered limousine is…
a: I don’t have to drive
b: I can stretch out, relax, and have a drink
c: leaning out the open sunroof and shouting at and/or flashing people
How to score the quiz:
Give yourself one point for every A, two for every B, and three for every C. Add up the points and grade yourself with the list below.
You’re a good driver. You watch the speed limit, remain calm, and observe not only the rules of the road, but also the etiquette. And since you drive so safely and so politely, you’ll live a long time. Long enough to decelerate with each passing decade until you’re one of those old people in a big car, going ten miles under the speed limit in the fast lane and pissing all the rest of us off.
Hey! Joe Average! You’re a decent driver without being boring. You get where you’re going fast without too much danger. In fact, you’re the type of person we all like to ride with. Well, all of us except your mother, because “you’re going too fast! Watch out for that car in front of you! You’re going to kill us all!”
Remember in driver’s education class when they told us to drive defensively? You’re the reason.