AHUMORSITE
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Top ten things not to say at a funeral
What are the top 10 things you should not say at a funeral? What’s that smell? So who’s that sleeping in the box? I wouldn’t be caught dead in that outfit. I would have loaned him my good rope if I’d known what he was using it for! (to the widow) Now that you’re single,…
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You won’t believe what sports commentators said on live tv
The censors could not stop these comments before they went live on national sports telecasts with surprising results. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.” Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I…
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How an evil leprechaun was fooled by a golfer
The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition. “Look,” he said, “if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I’ll help you win.” “Done,” shouted…
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List of the 15 funniest complaints to a landlord
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. The toilet seat is cracked: where do…
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Gentle Thoughts For Today
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt. When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog…
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Top Twenty Signs You’re From New York City
You say “the city” and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on…