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15 examples of mean humor

  1. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  2. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
  3. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  4. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
  5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
  6. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  7. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  8. How about never? Is never good for you?
  9. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
  10. It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
  11. Are you a ray of sunshine every day?
  12. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
  13. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
  14. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
  15. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.