A Man’s Best Friend

A dog does not talk the talk, but walks the walk.

Here is a list of reasons that a dog is a man’s best friend, because dogs do not lie or cheat, but are up-front buddies.

• Dogs always think you’re smart and don’t make fun of your shortcomings
• Dogs are willing to sleep on a rug and fetch on command
• Dogs spend less time worrying about hair loss
• Old buddies don’t show up on doorstep unexpectedly
• Dogs are utterly disinterested in professional sports
• Your parents find them easier to like
• Dogs are rarely jealous of your former boyfriends
• Dogs are willing to hold your purse in public
• Unlikely to roll over and lose consciousness immediately following intense play Dogs don’t complain when you want to go for a walk
• Dogs are willing to eat anything you put on their plate and will always want more
• Dogs tend to bath themselves daily, men must be encouraged to do so
• You can put a dog in a crate when you don’t feel like having it around
• Dogs expect to go outside on leashes… men think they can do everything on their own
• Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
• Dogs miss you when you’re gone.
• You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
• Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong.
• Dogs don’t brag about whom they have slept with.
• Dogs don’t criticize your friends.
• Dogs admit when they’re jealous.
• Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
• Dogs do not play games with you — except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
• Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you’re together.
• Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence.
• You can train a dog.
• You are never suspicious of your dog’s dreams.
• Gorgeous dogs don’t know they’re gorgeous.
• The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there’s a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
• Dogs understand what NO means.
• Dogs don’t need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
• Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
• Dogs do not read at the table.
• You can force a dog to take a bath.
• Dogs don’t correct your stories.
• Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
• Dogs aren’t threatened by a woman with short hair.
• Dogs aren’t threatened by two women with short hair.
• Dogs admit it when they’re lost.
• Dogs look at your eyes. Dogs like your size. Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
• Dogs take care of their own needs. Dogs are color blind.
• Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn more than they do.
• Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
• Dogs are nice to your relatives.
• Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.
• Dogs don’t care how you dress.