- The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
- The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
- The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country.
- USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t understand the Washington Post.
- The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time.
- The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
- The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country.
- The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country, as long as they do something scandalous.
- The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it.
- The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country.
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