Why was the blonde laughing while the man ripped her clothes off?
She knew they’d never fit him.
What do you call a blonde at the library?
Lost!
Why do blondes eat so much salad?
They eat like rabbits, too.
How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
She’s the one on her bike.
What is the blonde’s favorite potato chip?
Frito-Lay (free-to-lay).
How are blondes like sperm?
Only one in 10 million actually do anything productive.
What kind of batteries do blondes use in their toys?
Eveready.
Why did the blonde laugh when the man reached into her bra?
She knew her money was in her sock.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on the bosses’ faces.
What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Why did the blonde baste her turkey with Coppertone?
She didn’t want the turkey to burn!
Why don’t blondes talk when having sex?
Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers or talk with their mouths full.
Why do so many blondes dye their hair roots a dark color?
That’s to confuse blond males.
What’s the most important thing in a blonde’s make-up kit?
A paint roller.
Why do they refer to blondes as “Amazon Women?”
Because they are wide at the mouth.
What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
They pull up their panties.
Why did the blonde always tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn’t wake up from the sleeping pills.
How many blondes does it take to make a complete circuit?
Two, one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
The blonde was overheard at the little general store saying,
“Why do you call this a general store if you don’t sell generals here?”
What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
You don’t, you see if you’ve got 3 condoms.
What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About 2 cans of hair spray.
What did the blonde doctor say when her hands got cold after an operation?
“Oh my gosh, I’ve left my gloves inside the patient!”
Did you hear about the blonde counterfeiter?
Yeah, they caught her erasing zeros from ten-dollar bills.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
Perri-air
When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
When you have a patch kit and tire pump to re-inflate it!
Why did the blonde keep the freezer full of ice cubes?
That’s how she kept the refrigerator cold.
What is a blonde’s favorite part of a gas station?
The Air Pump!
Why do blondes shower until the hot water runs out?
The shampoo bottle says, “Lather, rinse, and repeat!”
Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
She was having sunny periods.
How do you get a divorce from a female blonde?
Tell her the baby she had isn’t hers.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?
She still has not gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What do you call a blonde who uses too much contraceptive cream?
A spermicical maniac.
How are blondes like paint?
Get them all stirred up, spread them a little and you can’t get them off your hands.
What happens when you crack open a blonde’s head?
Absolutely nothing. Warning! If done in an enclosed room the vacuum could blow the windows out.
What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde’s friend said, “Oh, look, a dead birdie!”
The blonde looked up and said, Where?
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up.
Doctor: “Take one of these pills three times a day.”
Blonde Patient: “How do I take a pill more than once?”
Doctor: “Is your cough better this morning?”
Blonde Patient: “Yes. I’ve been practicing all night.”
A 93-year-old blonde marries an 18-year-old guy. Her doctor tells her, “The age difference in your marriage could be fatal.”
After thinking a moment the old blonde replied, “Well if he dies, he dies.”
Brunette: “How’s your insomnia?”
Blonde: “Even worse. Now I can’t sleep at work.”
The doctor told the blonde she was iron deficient.
So she took up nail biting.
What did the blonde’s mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
“Just flush it like everybody else does.”
Why did the blonde quit her job as a restroom attendant?
She couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer!
The blonde’s space plan has run into a hitch.
The kite just won’t support the astronaut’s weight.
Hear about the blonde explorer?
Yeah, she bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.
Hear about the blonde who tried playing water polo?
She drowned her horse!
What does it take to make a blonde genius?
A mall.
What does a blonde have in common with the United States Army?
They’re open to any man between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five.
Why did the blonde cross the road?
Forget about that, what the hell was she doing out of bed in the first place?
Why do blondes flock around the police sharpshooters?
They heard sharpshooters have a reputation for being excellent crack shots.
The horny blonde says, “Wanna play carnival?”
“That’s where you sit on my face and I try to guess your weight.”
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, because she’ll be licking the steel ball.
Did you hear about the blonde who committed suicide?
She was throwing away a cigarette on top of the Empire State Building and threw the wrong butt off!
How can you tell if the blonde biker is an aristocrat?
No spelling errors on her tattoo.
How can you recognize a blonde’s pencil?
It’s the one with erasers on both ends.
Did you hear about the blonde bank robber?
She tied up the safe and blew the guard!
How can you tell a blonde from an ape?
The ape peels the banana before eating it.
Did you hear about the young blonde who was afraid of flies?
She opened one and feared no more.
How can you tell if the blonde is a nurse?
She can make a patient without disturbing the bed.
Why do blondes fear the middle-age crisis?
Middle-aged is when the broad mind and the narrow waist exchange places.
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