25 Reasons You Will NOT Win The Halloween Contest
- After your roommate insisted on being the front legs, you began to suspect that a burrito dinner wasn’t such a good idea.
- Your “Ally McBeal” barfed in the judge’s trick or treat bag.
- The Nike swoosh — while obscene to some — is just not all that scary emblazoned on a white sheet.
- “Hey! Blue dress with a stain and a cigar! Why didn’t I think of that??”
- Somehow your Snoop Dog costume just didn’t go over that big at the Quayle house.
- Your kindergarten students failed to see the humor in your “Road Kill Barney” costume.
- Unlike thousands of other Monica look-a-likes, the semen on your dress is not *really* the President’s semen.
- Although your “Internal Bus Architecture of the Intel Pentium Chip” costume was a big hit with the other engineers at the office, things are different out in the real world.
- You can’t get the zipper on your Bill Clinton costume to stay down.
- In order to enter, you’d first have to log off the Internet — and pornography doesn’t just read itself, now does it?
- Looks like “Viagra Man” will be spending Halloween in jail for indecent exposure.
- Something in her eyes tells you there was an inherent flaw in your plan of dressing up as the hostess’s dead husband in order to get laid.
- The Bride of Frankenstein had big, pointy hair and a small, round ass, not the other way around.
‘Cause you should know that wearing a white sheet in Atlanta could only lead to getting your ass whupped, Homeboy.- Your “Naked Linda Tripp” costume is actually more nauseating than scary.
- Your “Yanni” costume got you beat up on the way to the party — four times.
- Your Dirk Diggler costume is merely embarrassing now that your “Diggler” is stuck in the car door.
- Your beret falls off every time you kneel.
- Yellow Homer Simpson makeup? Check. Can of Homer Simpson “Duff Beer”? Check. Homer Simpson pants? DOH!
- No one can tell whether you came as Abe Vigoda or Marge Schott.
- This year’s guest judge, Elizabeth Dole, has apparently never even *heard* of Marilyn Manson.
- Much to your surprise, three other people came dressed as Nikola Tesla, father of alternating current.
- The judges wrongly interpreted your “Liposuction By-product” costume as a “Bowl of Tapioca Pudding” costume.
- The only song you knew to go with the costume was “Mammy,” and the judges at the NAACP party were not impressed.
- Nobody likes a farting clown.