Ditch boring voicemail messages
Here are 14 funny ones to make the caller smile.
If you are a burglar, we’re busy cleaning our weapons. You are welcome to leave a message at the beep.
My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished, but only if you leave your name and number.
Please hang up and text me.
Hi, this is Brad. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why I’m not here, so please leave a message.
Hi, I’m not available right now but my voicemail is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Stan’s voicemail is broken. I’m his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
Hi, this is Taylor’s microwave. Her voicemails just ran off with her phone, so I’m stuck with taking her calls. If you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
Hi, I’m a cell phone, and I can record messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are perfectly clean, thank you very much. They give to charity through their office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number. Maybe they’ll get back to you.
This is not a phone recording, but a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.
Hi, I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, you’ll know it’s you.
Hi, this is Chris. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the beep you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.
Leave a message at your own risk. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. However, you have the right to remain silent.