How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
“Dam!”
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers
Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The location of the dirt bag.
Why does a pilgrim’s pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack
What do you call skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.
How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.
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