Woman’s Facts of Life

Insanity
My only means of relaxation.

Reason to smile
Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Women over 50 don’t have babies
They would put them down and forget where they left them.

One of life’s mysteries
A two-pound box of candy makes a woman gain five pounds.

My mind not only wanders
Sometime it leaves completely.

The best way to forget all your troubles
Just wear tight shoes.

Best part of living in a small town
When you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight
By then your body and your fat are really good friends.

I was getting used to yesterday
Then along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything
But then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging
My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

When you hang clothes in your closet
They shrink two sizes.

The trouble with some women
They get excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.
Are they kidding? That’s my idea of a perfect day.