20 funny excuses for an early exit from the dreaded boring Thanksgiving dinner with the family.
- Remind your 12-year old brother or sister that you left those condoms they asked for in the closet upstairs.
- Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and proceed to take off your clothes at the dinner table.
- Open the oven, shove hunks of cheddar cheese into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.
- Shoot olive pits at Grampa’s glasses (just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)
- Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud “BUZZ”ing noise.
- When it’s your turn to state what you are thankful for, say “latex sheets and lard.”
- Bring along old recorded football games and put them in the DVD when Dad’s not looking.
- Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.
- Sit at the “children’s table” and lecture them on just the world needs to increase the teenage pregnancy population.
- Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.
- As the family is being seated, shout, “Oh my Gawd, I forgot to show you all my private-part piercings I got on Halloween!!”
- Hold your nose while you eat.
- Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
- Mid-meal turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice. You worried for nothing”.
- Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce that you’ve got a new fear of choking.
- When you arrive, promise that your date won’t be more than an hour late, since he or she has to wait a little longer for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms.
- During dinner, ask your brother if his girlfriend solved that little “dead rabbit” problem.
- Turn to dad and tell him to advise your brother, having experienced that himself.
- Promise that the winner of the “wishbone tug” gets to sleep with your date. (sex/age unimportant)
- Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, “THE SAFETY IS ON” while you hold your pocket.