Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.
- What is your name, age, social security number, IQ, and Boy Scout rank?
- Do you have one male and one female parent? ____
If “No”, explain:
- Do you own or have access to a van? ____
- A truck with oversize tires? ____
- Water bed? ____
- Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____
- Do you have a tattoo? ____
*If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.*
- In fifty words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
- In fifty words or less, what does DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?
- In fifty words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
- In fifty words or less, what does REAL PAIN mean to you?
- Church/Temple you attend: ____________________________
- How often do you attend: ____________________________
- When would be the best time to interview your mother, father, and priest/rabbi?
Please fill in the blanks:
If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded would be my
If I were beaten, the last bone I would want to be broken would be my
A woman’s place is in the
The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is
When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is
*Note: If the answer to the last question begins with “T” or “A”, discontinue and leave premises – keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised*
What do you want to be IF you grow up?
I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _________________________________
Signature of father _____________________________________
Signature of mother ____________________________________
Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________
Signature of State Representative _________________________
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.
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