One day, a man finds himself already dead and in hell.
As he is cringing in self-pity, he has his first meeting with Satan, who explains to him what spending eternity in hell is really like.
Demon: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I’m in hell.
Demon: Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well, you will love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do. Drink whiskey, tequila, beer, wine coolers. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it.
Demon: All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke all our lungs out. If you get cancer, it’s okay because you’re already dead.
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Demon: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. It doesn’t matter if you lose, because you’re already dead.
Guy: I always worried about losing before.
Demon: Do you like to do drugs sometimes?
Guy: Sure, I get stoned now and then. You don’t mean…
Demon: That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Have yourself a great big psychedelic high. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, crack, heroin, speed, we got it all. And if you overdose, it’s okay, because you’re already dead.
Guy: Wow! I never realized that hell was such a fun place.
Demon: Are you gay?
Guy: Uh, no.
Demon: Well, you’re going to hate Fridays, even if you’re already dead.