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44 Things not to say on a first date

first date table

  1. “Sorry I’m a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore.”
  2. “Show me how you used to spank her.”
  3. “Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?”
  4. “I just got my license today.”
  5. “I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature.”
  6. “Five bucks says she’s a D-cup.”
  7. “Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?”
  8. “Hi. I’m Robert, but my friends call me ‘Back Door Bob.”
  9. “So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?”
  10. “Ok, you gotta be quiet or my roommate will hear. He doesn’t know I’m cheating on him!”
  11. “Thanks for having sex with me. I’ve really been down since I found out my girlfriend gave me Hepatitis.”
  12. “I would never hit a girl, I hear it ruins the fun to do that before you’re married”
  13. “I guess I can be kind of a jerk sometimes.”
  14. “You’re not the type of person I usually go for.”
  15. “Do you want to go to a strip club?”
  16. “So, are you smart?”
  17. “Do you mind if my friend stops by?”
  18. “I’m thinking of moving. I just can’t sit still.”
  19. “So, you just don’t have any hobbies?”
  20. “How’s [the online dating website you met on] going for you?”
  21. “So was I an accidental right swipe?”
  22. “So, are you bi? ‘Cause those glasses are giving you away.”
  23. “You’re kind of eating a lot.”
  24. “So, how long have you been single for?”
  25. “Look, I’m all for gender equality, as long as women know their place.”
  26. “It sounds like you don’t really have fun.”
  27. “My ex always used to say…”
  28. “So, do you go on a lot of dates?”
  29. “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?”
  30. “I met my last girlfriend while I was hanging out in the undergraduate library trying to meet girls.”
  31. “I’m not looking for anything serious.”
  32. “Is your friend from your profile picture single?”
  33. “I don’t really know how to watch my tone.”
  34. “This wasn’t a good idea. I think I’m just going to go.”
  35. “Can I look through your diary?”
  36. “We should definitely travel together.”
  37. “Sorry I’m late, I just came from this cool art thing. You probably haven’t heard of it.”
  38. “I just had a burrito.”
  39. “I don’t like burritos.”
  40. “You’re not one of THOSE feminists are you?”
  41. “Not to sound sexiest or anything but…”
  42. “Have you ever thought of losing a few pounds?”
  43. “I’m about to go on a trip for the next six months.”
  44. “So, how do you think that went?”