He says Not what He means

he says not what he means

He Says: “I’m going fishing.”
He Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

He Says: “It’s a guy thing.”
He Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

He Says: “Can I help with dinner?”
He Means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

He Says: “Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”
He Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

He Says: “It would take too long to explain.”
He Means: “I have no idea how it works.

He Says: “We’re going to be late.”
He Means: “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”

He Says: “I was listening to you. It’s just that I have things on my mind.”
He Means: “I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra.”

He Says: “Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.”
He Means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

He Says: “That’s interesting, dear.”
He Means: “Are you still talking?”

He Says: It’s a really good movie.”
He Means: “It’s got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women.”

He Says: “That’s women’s work.”
He Means: “It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.”

He Says: “You know how bad my memory is.”
He Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

He Says: “I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.”
He Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

He Says: “Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.”
He Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.”

He Says: “Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.”
He Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

He Says: “I can’t find it.”
He Means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

He Says: “What did I do this time?”
He Means: “What did you catch me doing?”

He Says: “I heard you.”
He Means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

He Says: “You know I could never love anyone else.”
He Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”
He Says: “You look terrific.”
He Means: “Oh no, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”

He Says: “I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.”
He Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

He Says: “We share the housework.”
He Means: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”

He Says: “I don’t need to read the instructions.”
He Means: “I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help.”

He Says: “I’m getting more exercise lately.”
He Means: “The batteries in the remote are dead.”

He Says: “You expect too much of me.”
He Means: “You want me to stay awake.”

He Says: “I missed you.”
He Means: “I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we’re out of toilet paper.”

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