The Ultimate Man List
Why It’s Great Being A Man
If you don’t know why being a man is great, here are 63 reasons.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open your own jars.
- Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind.
- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
- You don’t have to learn to spell a new last name.
- You can leave the motel bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $10.00 for a three-pack.
- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, he must be mad at me.
- Same work, more pay.
- Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
- Wedding dress – $8000.00. Tuxedo rental – $175 bucks.
- You don’t mooch off others desserts.
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
- If another man shows up in the same outfit, you still might become lifelong friends.
- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, “So notice anything different?”
- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
- You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- You almost never have a strap problem in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in you clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You don’t have to shave below your neck.
- At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
- You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on Dec. 24th, in 45 minutes.
- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
- Your orgasms are real. Always.
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be president.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Foreplay is optional.
- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
- You don’t give a rat’s tail if someone notices your new haircut.
- The world is your urinal.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too icky.
- Wrinkles add character.
- You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
- If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
- People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
- New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
- Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
- One mood, all the time.