What are the rules of life by men?

Your handy guide to male behavior

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.”

Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.

Daisy Dukes never go out of style.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the butt and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you’d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you’d get “beer biceps.”

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, “You’re #1!”

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day, also. St. Patrick’s Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a another camera angle.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every witty answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: “You know how fast you were going?” You: “All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.” Cop: “Nice one. That’s $10 off.”

Cell phones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

Now that you know the rules of life by men: no more stress.