man woman talking on street

8 Questions By Women That Get Men In Trouble

“Which shoe looks better?”

This raises the question of why she’s asking you at all.

She knows you have no idea which shoes look better, and she knows you don’t care, so why does she want your opinion?

This is part of an ongoing campaign to domesticate you.

Suggest that she try on the other shoes, then tell her the first shoes look better.

This lets you more or less off the hook, as long as you don’t raise a fuss when she decides that the second pair is better after all.

On no account suggest another dress.

“Where do you see this relationship going?”

This could be described as an essay question since you’re not going to get away with snappy little answers such as ‘forward’ or ‘upstairs’ or ‘I dunno.’

She wants a heartfelt expression of your feelings and an honest assessment of your future together, but you want an easier question.

There is certainly no point in answering an impossible question like this one without at least a rough idea of exactly what she wants to hear.

Questions such as this one are a class by themselves, i.e. questions that should be answered with another question.

See how easily some of the more difficult leading questions can be turned by the use of answering a question with another question.

HER: Where do you see this relationship going?
YOU: Where do you see this relationship going?

HER: Do you think she’s attractive?
YOU: Who?

HER: Will you marry me?
YOU: Where am I?

HER: What if I were pregnant?
YOU: Are you pregnant? HER: Why? Do I look fat?

We’re in a bit of trouble here. You should have seen that coming.

Try another approach:

HER: What if I were pregnant?
YOU: What if I were pregnant?

At the very least it gives you time to think up a better answer.

Some all-purpose question-answers include:

  • How much is a lot? – Why do you ask?
  • Should I be? – What are you saying?
  • Does it matter? – What’s love got ta do with it?
  • Are you talking to me? – (NOTE: Are you having your period? is not advisable.)
man and woman talking in bedroom

“How many people have you slept with?”

Hmmmmm…Now, you can tell her the truth, unless the truth is more than 12, or you can have a guess at the number she’s more or less expecting.

Here’s a safe rule: If the result is greater than 12, then say 12.

Let’s move on.

“Are you saying you want to end it?”

Women, like lawyers, rarely ask a direct question, unless they already know what the answer will be.

As for women lawyers, I don’t know what they do, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.

The point is, when a woman asks you this question, she knows you’re going to say no.

Even if you want to say yes, you’ll say no.

You can’t turn the question back on her, because you have no idea what her answer is going to be.

If you are trying to break up with her, you’ll have to say no and start the whole painful process again.

If you aren’t trying to break up with her, then it’s best to change the subject.

Let’s try something easier.

“Notice anything different about me?”

Well, at the question is slightly easier.

Apart from being a question that is easier to answer wrong than right, it is best treated in an ironic post-modern context.

Try an attempt at humor:

HER: Notice anything different about me?
YOU: New apron?

HER: Have you forgotten what today is?
YOU: Of course not. It’s Thursday.

HER: Have you been listening to a word I’ve said?
YOU: That’s nice dear…

Funny, huh?

Well, it’s not your fault if she doesn’t get it.

If she wants a better answer, she’s going to have to start asking better questions.

Questions such as: “Have you taken a look at yourself lately?”

This question and its cousin, the almost always uncalled-for “Who do you think you are?” are ways of gently reminding you how much of a factor charity was in her original decision to go out with you, and how that decision could be taken back if you behave in any way she does not like.

You probably brought this problem on yourself by mentioning that you reckon Brad Pitt is getting a little chubby or by speculating that Jack Nicholson doesn’t have to wait until his birthday for oral sex.

You’re not really supposed to answer either of these questions.

You’re just supposed to apologize for your reckless self-esteem.

Instead of apologizing, just smile.

All your faults as a boyfriend – even as a man – are a kind of revenge all by themselves.

“Do you believe in not cheating?”

Like most philosophical questions that seem to pop up out of the blue, this question doesn’t pop up out of the blue.

This general question about fidelity is in fact a subtle query about the extent of your faithfulness on a specific occasion or other occasions.

Your response will also have to be carefully worded.

Consult this translation chart before giving your answer:

YOU MEAN – How much does she know?
SHE THINKS – He’s hiding something

YOU SAY – It depends
YOU MEAN – How much does she know?
SHE THINKS – I knew it!

YOU SAY – Why do you ask?
YOU MEAN – How much does she know?
SHE THINKS – Bastard!

YOU SAY – I dunno. Do you?
YOU MEAN – How much does she know?
SHE THINKS – How much does he know?

By the time she asks you this question, you’re already in deep trouble.

It doesn’t really matter what you say, as long as you don’t blush when you answer.

Let’s look at an example that calls for more straightforward lying.

“What you looking at?”

sexy woman in bikini

She means, “You were looking at that girl, weren’t you?”

And you thought you’d perfected the trick of keeping your neck still and just letting your eyes swivel.

We all know truth is not the best answer here.

The truth can set you free, sometimes before you’ve found somewhere else to stay.

It may seem easy enough to answer this question with a cunning lie, but when men are caught off-guard, their ability to deceive is impaired.

Here are a few of the more common mistakes men make when asked, “What are you looking at?”

TOO SPECIFIC: ‘The rust around the bolts on the handle on the flap of that mailbox on the northwest corner’.


TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE: ‘A diamond necklace in that window back there that would be perfect on you.’

TOO TRUE TO BE GOOD: ‘A see-through nightie in that window back there that would be perfect on you.’

TOO OBVIOUS: ‘Nothing.’

WAY TOO OBVIOUS: ‘That blonde babe over there with the big… I mean nothing.’

“Should I get my hair cut?”

If you say anything, then when she does get it cut (and let’s face it, she’s already made up her mind) and she hates it (and she will hate it), it will be your fault.

Even if you say absolutely nothing, the best you can hope for is that she will come home with all her hair cut off, stare you straight in the eye and say:

“Does it make me look fat?”

You’re on your own.

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