Funny Definitions

Very funny alternative definitions of words

These funny definitions are better than the ones found in your standard dictionary.

Use them also to amuse your friends and family with your quick wit and original thinking.

AMNESIA:
Condition that enables a woman, who has gone through labor, to want more children.

DUMBWAITER:
One who asks if the kids would care for desert.

FAMILY PLANNING:
The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the brink of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK:
The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME:
What you call your child when you’re angry with him.

GRANDPARENTS:
The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

HEARSAY:
What toddlers do when anyone mutters a bad word.

IMPREGNABLE:
A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT:
How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OUCH:
The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL:
When your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE:
A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOWOFF:
A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE:
What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK:
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING:
When the baby smiles and her face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL:
Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT:
None of the kids that live in your house.