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30 Men-Bashing One-line Jokes

Men-Bashing Laundry List

man cooking in flames
Presenting your complete list of men-bashing questions and answers.

  1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
    Both of them.
  2. Why did the man cross the road?
    He heard the chicken was a slut.
  3. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
    They don’t have time.
  4. What do men and sperm have in common?
    They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming human beings.
  5. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
    They won’t stop to ask directions.
  6. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
    He buys two cases of beer.
  7. What is the difference between men and government bond?
    At some point in the future the bonds mature.
  8. Why are blonde jokes so short?
    So men can remember them.
  9. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
    We don’t know; it has never happened.
  10. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
    They all already have boyfriends.
  11. What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
    A widow.
  12. Why are married women heavier than single women?
    Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.
    Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge
  13. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
    His hand caught fire.
  14. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
    Put the remote control between his toes.
  15. What did God say after creating Eve?
    Practice makes perfect.
  16. How are men and parking spots alike?
    Good ones are always taken.
    Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
  17. What is one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
    They are married.
  18. A woman of thirty five thinks of having children.
    What does a man of thirty five think of?
    Dating children
  19. Why don’t men have a mid-life crisis?
    They’re stuck in adolescence.
  20. How is being in singles different than going to the circus?
    At the circus, the clowns don’t talk.
  21. Why do little boys whine?
    Because they are practicing to be men.
  22. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
    Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
  23. Why do men like smart women?
    Opposites attract.
  24. How do men define a “50/50” relationship?
    We cook, they eat.
    We clean, they dirty.
    We iron, they wrinkle.
  25. How do men exercise on the beach?
    By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
  26. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    ONE – He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
  27. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift to women?
    Exchange him.
  28. What should you give a man who has everything?
    A woman to show him how to work it.
  29. What’s the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
    Big Foot’s been spotted several times.
  30. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
    To stop the snoring before it starts.