Men Are Like

lava lamps

Complete List of “Men Are Like” Definitions

  • Bananas
    The older they get, the less firm they become.
  • Bank accounts
    Once they withdraw, they lose interest.
  • Bike Helmets
    Handy in emergencies, otherwise they look ridiculous.
  • Blenders
    You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
  • Cement
    After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
  • Chocolate bars
    Sweet, smooth, and usually head right for your hips.
  • Coffee
    The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
  • Commercials
    You can’t believe a word they say.
  • Computers
    Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
  • Coolers
    Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere.
  • Copiers
    You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
  • Curling irons
    They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.
  • Department Stores
    Their clothes should always be half off.
  • High heels
    They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of them.
  • Horoscopes
    They always tell you what to do, and they’re usually wrong.
  • Lava lamps
    Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
  • Lawn Mowers
    If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it.
  • Laxatives
    They irritate the crap out of you.
  • Mascara
    They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
  • Parking spots
    The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
  • Placemats
    They only show up when there’s food on the table.
  • Plungers
    They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
  • Popcorn
    They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
  • Snowstorms
    You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long they will last.
  • Treasury bonds
    They take forever to mature.
  • Vacations
    They never seem to last long enough.
  • Weather
    Nothing can be done to change either one of them.