- Alarm clocks
They can be loud and interrupt your peace.
The older they get, the less firm they become.
- Bank accounts
Once they withdraw, they lose interest.
- Bike Helmets
Handy in emergencies, otherwise they look ridiculous.
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
They can burn out quickly if you don’t watch them closely.
They require constant maintenance and seem to break down at the worst possible times.
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
- Chocolate bars
Sweet, smooth, and usually head right for your hips.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
You can’t believe a word they say.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere.
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
- Curling irons
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.
- Department Stores
Their clothes should always be half off.
- Elevator Buttons
Push too hard and they stop working.
They’re impressive for a while, but then they fizzle out.
They don’t bloom without attention.
- High heels
They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of them.
They always tell you what to do, and they’re usually wrong.
- Ice Cream
They can be a cold and drippy, but you can’t resist them.
You have try a few before you find one that fits.
- Lava lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
- Lawn Mowers
If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it.
They irritate the crap out of you.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
- Parking spots
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
Even the bad ones can be good sometimes.
They only show up when there’s food on the table.
You might not always understand the choices
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
- Potato chips
You can never have just one.
- Remote Controls
They’re always lost when you need them the most.
They claim to do it all, but you’re not always convinced.
You have to try a few before you find the perfect fit.
You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long they will last.
- Treasury bonds
They take forever to mature.
They never seem to last long enough.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
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