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Quotes

What I Learned About Life

wise man looking up for guidance

Meaning Of Life:
Point-by-Point Explanation

Humorous thoughts on why you can never win the game of life

  1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow’s not looking good either.
  2. I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  3. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
  4. If I explained life to you, your brain would explode.
  5. Someday we’ll look back on this and plow into a parked car.
  6. My reality check bounced.
  7. Everybody is a weirdo to somebody else.
  8. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
  9. I don’t suffer from stress – I’m a carrier.
  10. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
  11. You’re slower than turtles stampeding through peanut butter!
  12. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  13. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and others you’re the statue.
  14. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
  15. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself – “Where the heck is the ceiling?”
  16. On the keyboard of life explained, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  17. Don’t meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you’re crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

And there you have it! Now you understand the meaning of life.