Hazardous Material Data Sheet
For Woman

Keep this HMDS as a guide and warning
for men (or women) interested in female companionship.

For those viewers who prefer a list in text, the HMDS is spelled out below:

ELEMENT: Woman

DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 55 kg, but known to vary from 45 kg to 225 kg

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Body surface normally covered with film of powder and paint
2. Boils at absolutely nothing – freezes for no apparent reason
3. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious stones
2. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning
3. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USE

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can greatly aid relaxation
3. Can be a very effective cleaning agent

HAZARDS

1. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen
2. Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact