24 Female Truths

twenty four female truths

  1. You cannot be a failure. The worst you can be is a housewife.
  2. If you commit a crime, you can blame it on what a man did to you at sometime in your life.
  3. Why get a driver’s license when you can get a boyfriend?
  4. People don’t assume you’re gay if you’re still a virgin past the age of 13.
  5. You don’t have to do anything for yourselves if you don’t want to.
  6. You don’t have to be able to run as fast or lift as much to be a firefighter.
  7. There are programs to help you out in life, merely because you are female.
  8. You are more likely to survive if you’re on a sinking ship.
  9. Your genitals aren’t an easy target for schoolyard bullies with steel-toed boots.
  10. Nothing is ever your fault.
  11. Your friends don’t think you’re whipped if you bring your mate to a party/bar with you.
  12. Your friends don’t fall down laughing if you tell them you’re in love.
  13. Crying in public is a perfectly acceptable method of getting your own way.
  14. You never have to say what it is you want, but you can reserve the right to be angry if you don’t get it.
  15. “Logic”, “reason”, and “common sense” are evil constructs of the Patriarchy, and therefore don’t apply to you.
  16. You can tell sexist jokes without losing your job.
  17. You can look at a man without losing your job.
  18. After conception you can still choose whether or not you want to be a parent.
  19. For a woman, being a nice person is considered sexually attractive.
  20. Commitment doesn’t cost you two month’s salary.
  21. Your gender is assumed and not something you have to prove through Herculean feats.
  22. An large age difference between you and your mate may be embarrassing, but it can’t be prosecuted.
  23. Sex is a tool for getting what you really want, whatever that may be.
  24. Only a woman could write this list and get away with it.

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