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Quotes

Colonoscopy Exams

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopy exams:

  • “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.”
  • “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
  • “Can you hear me NOW?”
  • “Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!”
  • “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
  • “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
  • “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
  • “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey….”
  • “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
  • “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must aquit!”
  • “Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
  • “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”
  • “Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?”

What is a colonscopy exam?

“Colonoscopy is a test that allows your doctor to look at the inner lining of your large intestine (rectum and colon). He or she uses a thin, flexible tube called a colonoscope to look at the colon. A colonoscopy helps find ulcers, colon polyps, tumors, and areas of inflammation or bleeding”
WebMD

What is a colonscope?

“The colonoscope has a small camera attached to a flexible tube that can reach the length of the colon.”
New York Times

How does a patient prepare for colonscopy exam?

“You will need to completely cleanse your intestines.”
New York Times