Category: Lists
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English Language Oddities
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger. No does a pineapple contain any apples. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. If we explore the paradoxes of the English language, we find quicksand…
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Signs You Might Need A Different Lawyer
You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.” He tells you that he’s never told a lie. He…
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Marketing Explained
The buzz word in today’s business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of “Marketing.” Well, here it is: You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing. You’re at a party with a…
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Proposed Alcohol Warning Labels
Due to increasing product liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers may have to accept the FDA’s suggestion that the following alcohol warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcoholic containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your bra and panties. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you…
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When You Are Drunk
Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk Indubitably Preliminary Proliferation Things that are very difficult to say when you’re drunk Specificity Antidisestablishmentarianism Loquacious Transubstantiate Things that are downright impossible to say when you’re drunk Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex. Nope, no more booze for me. Sorry, but you’re not really…
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Doggie Dictionary
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go. DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room. DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and…