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- Law of Cat Inertia:
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
- Law of Cat Motion:
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
- Law of Cat Magnetism:
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
- Law of Cat Thermodynamics:
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.
- Law of Cat Stretching:
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
- Law of Cat Sleeping:
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
- Law of Cat Elongation:
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop, that has anything remotely interesting on it.
- Law of Cat Acceleration:
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
- Law of Dinner Table Attendance:
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
- Law of Rug Configuration:
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long.
- Law of Obedience Resistance:
A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.
- First Law of Energy Conservation:
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, t herefore, use as little energy as possible.
- Second Law of Energy Conservation:
Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of napping.
- Law of Refrigerator Observation:
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
- Law of Electric Blanket Attraction:
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
- Law of Random Comfort Seeking:
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
- Law of Bag / Box Occupancy:
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
- Law of Cat Embarrassment:
A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
- Law of Milk Consumption:
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
- Law of Furniture Replacement:
A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of t he furniture.
- Law of Cat Landing:
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
- Law of Fluid Displacement:
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
- Law of Cat Disinterest:
A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
- Law of Pill Rejection:
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
- Law of Cat Composition:
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.
- Law of Selective Listening:
Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can’t hear a simple command three feet away.
- Law of Equidistant Separation:
All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.
- Law of Cat Invisibility:
Cats think that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them.
- Law of Space-Time Continuum:
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.
- Law of Concentration of Mass:
A cat’s mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.
- Law of Cat Probability (Cat’s Uncertainty Principle):
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she “might” be.
- Law of Cat Obedience:
As yet undiscovered.