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52 Funny One-Line Jokes That Make You Laugh

man and woman laughing

Laughter is truly the best medicine, and we’ve got a prescription that’s sure to make your day brighter. Get ready to chuckle, grin, and maybe even enjoy a belly laugh with our collection of 52 side-splitting one-liners. From clever quips to witty observations, these jokes are like a burst of sunshine for your funny bone. So grab your sense of humor and get ready for a dose of joy that’s bound to leave you in stitches!

  1. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
  2. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  3. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
  4. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
  5. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
  6. If everything seems to be going well, you’ve overlooked something.
  7. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
  8. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  9. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  10. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  11. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
  12. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
  13. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  14. I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
  15. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
  16. If Barbie is so popular, why must you buy her friends?
  17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
  18. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
  19. When I’m not in my right mind, the left part gets pretty crowded.
  20. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
  21. Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?
  22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  23. I used to have an open mind, but my brain kept falling out.
  24. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  25. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  26. If at first, you don’t succeed, then destroy all evidence that you tried.
  27. If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.
  28. A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.
  29. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  30. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  31. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
  32. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  33. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
  34. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  35. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  36. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  37. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
  38. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
  39. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  40. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
  41. Change is inevitable: except from vending machines.
  42. A fool and his money are soon partying.
  43. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
  44. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
  45. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.
  46. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  47. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  48. Borrow money from pessimists-they don’t expect it back.
  49. Half the people you know are below average.
  50. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  51. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  52. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

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