Funny Quotes By Women

funny quotes by women

  1. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.
    Dolly Parton
  2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
    Erica Jong
  3. I want to have children but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
    Rita Rudner
  4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
    Rita Rudner
  5. I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
    Wendy Liebman
  6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
    Erma Bombeck
  7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
    Sue Grafton
  8. I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
    Roseanne Barr
  9. I think — therefore I’m single.
    Lizz Winstead
  10. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
    Elayne Boosler
  11. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
    Maryon Pearson
  12. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.
    Gilda Radner
  13. In politics if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
    Margaret Thatcher
  14. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
    Gloria Steinhem
  15. Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
    Gloria Steinhem
  16. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
    Marie Corelli
  17. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
    Baroness Edith Summerskill
  18. If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
    Linda Ellerbee
  19. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
    Zsa Zsa Gabor

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