- I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.
Dolly Parton - You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
Erica Jong - I want to have children but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner - My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Rita Rudner - I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
Wendy Liebman - Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck - If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
Sue Grafton - I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
Roseanne Barr - I think — therefore I’m single.
Lizz Winstead - When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Elayne Boosler - Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Maryon Pearson - I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.
Gilda Radner - In politics if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher - I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Gloria Steinhem - Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
Gloria Steinhem - I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
Marie Corelli - Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
Baroness Edith Summerskill - If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
Linda Ellerbee - I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Ahumorsite is supported by its audience. If you make a purchase through an advertisement on this site we may receive a commission at no cost to you.