Funny Quotes By Women
- I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.
Dolly Parton
- You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
Erica Jong
- I want to have children but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
- My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Rita Rudner
- I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
Wendy Liebman
- Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
- If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
Sue Grafton
- I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
Roseanne Barr
- I think — therefore I’m single.
Lizz Winstead
- When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Elayne Boosler
- Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Maryon Pearson
- I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.
Gilda Radner
- In politics if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher
- I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Gloria Steinhem
- Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
Gloria Steinhem
- I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
Marie Corelli
- Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
Baroness Edith Summerskill
- If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
Linda Ellerbee
- I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor