Meaning of Office Life

office life

Here is a comprehensively partial list for the descriptions of today’s office life.

Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 URL Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located. Used as in: “Don’t bother asking him … he’s 404, man.”

The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to Solve.

Alpha Geek
The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.

The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Body Nazis
Hard-core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively.

Chainsaw consultant
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM – Career Limiting Move
Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Cube Farm
An office filled with cubicles.

Flight Risk
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in: “We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in.”

Going Postal
Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages who feel that there is nothing that an AK-47 and a rooftop couldn’t solve.

G.O.O.D. Job
A “Get-Out-Of-Debt” job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

idea hamsterIdea Hamsters
People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

Mouse Potato
The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.

Percussive Maintenance
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Prairie Dogging
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

Salmon day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Seagull Manager
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.

What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

Starter Marriage
A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Stress Puppy
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

Swiped Out
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in “This is Dylan, my … um … friend.”

Xerox Subsidy
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

Yuppie Food Stamps
The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: “We owe $8 each, but all anybody’s got are yuppie food stamps.”