The three stages of sexual attraction
or
Love, Lust, Marriage Explained
LOVE – When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST – When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE – When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.
LOVE – When intercourse is called “making love.”
LUST – When intercourse is called “screwing.”
MARRIAGE – When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.
LOVE – When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST – When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE – When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.
LOVE – When you share everything you own.
LUST – When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE – When the bank owns everything.
LOVE – When it doesn’t matter if you don’t climax.
LUST – When the relationship is over if you don’t climax.
MARRIAGE – When … uh … what’s a climax?
LOVE – When you phone each other just to say, “Hi.”
LUST – When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE – When you phone each other to bitch about work.
LOVE – When you write poems about your partner.
LUST – When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE – When all you write is checks.
LOVE – When your only concern is for your partner’s feelings.
LUST – When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all around.
MARRIAGE – When you’re only concern is what’s on TV.
LOVE – When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST – When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE – When you never see each other awake.
LOVE – When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST – When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE – When your wallet empties every time you see them.
LOVE – When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST – When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE – When you listen to talk radio.
LOVE – When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST – When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE – When just getting through the day is your only thought.
LOVE – When you’re only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST – When you’re only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE – When you’re only interested in your golf score.
LOVE – When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
LUST – When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
MARRIAGE – When a rainy day means it’s time to clean the basement.
LOVE – You only leave the house to buy coffee and doughnuts.
LUST – You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline.
MARRIAGE – You only leave the house to escape the chaos.