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Son receives newsworthy letter from mom

letter to son

Mother sends this endearing letter to her son, who had asked for a coat.

Dear Son,

I’m writing this letter slow because I know you can’t read fast.

We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved to another place.

I won’t be able to send you the address because the last Georgia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn’t have to change their address.

This place is really swell. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load into it, pulled the chain and haven’t seen the clothes since.

The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

You know the coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Johnny locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven’t found out what it is yet so I don’t know if you’re an aunt or an uncle. The baby is so cute: looks just like your brother.

Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.

There isn’t any more news since nothing much else has happened.

Love,
Mom

P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.