The Last Things

That a woman would say

1. Could our relationship be more physical? I’m tired of just being friends.
2. Go ahead and leave the seat up, it’s easier for me to douche that way.
3. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
4. Hey, get a whiff of that one.
5. Please don’t throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
6. This diamond is way too big.
7. I won’t even put my lips on that things unless I get to swallow.
8. Wow, it really is 14 inches!
9. Does this make my butt look too small?
10. I’m wrong, you must be right again.

That a man would say

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude.
2. While I’m up, can I get you a beer?
3. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
4. Her tits are just too big.
5. Sometimes I just want to be held.
6. That chick on ‘Murder, She Wrote’ gives me a woody.
7. Sure, I’d love to wear a condom.
8. We haven’t been to the mall for ages, let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse.
9. Screw Monday Night Football, let’s watch ‘Murphy Brown.’
10. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.