New meanings for old words

Tired of the same old meaning for a word?

Give a new twist to a word with your own interpretation, such as:

Abdicate, v.:
To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma, n.:
A valley in California notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade, v.:
To attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly, adj.:
Impotent.

Flabbergasted, adj.:
Appalled over how much weight you’ve gained.

Negligent, adj.:
A condition in which you, while still only half awake, answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph, v.:
To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle, n.:
An olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard, n.:
A very rude bus driver.

Coffee, n.:
A person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence, n.:
The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you’re run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash, n.:
A rapidly receding hairline.

Semantics, n.:
Practical jokes done by men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest’s prayer book together just before vespers.

Rectitude, n.:
The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before the examination.

Oyster, n.:
A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent, n.:
The opening in the front of boxer shorts.