Stay inside, isolate or practice social distancing, clean yourself… OMG, I’ve become a housecat!
If COVID-19 forces Planned Parenthood to be closed for two weeks, the virus will have SAVED more lives than it has taken.
September morning 2050: John opened the last package of toilet paper bought by his parents in 2020.
Since everyone has started washing their hands like we’re supposed to, we’ll be working on tying our shoes next week.
If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19.
I’d hate to see a diarrhea virus breakout right now… people have already bought all the nose spray!
The kid I hired to clean up the poop in the back yard just realized I don’t have a dog.
Pro tip: if you get pulled over, just start coughing.
I say we close down the media for 30 days and watch 80% of the world’s problems go away!
Our cleaning lady just called and told us she will be working from home and will send us instructions about what to do.